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July 14, 2012
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Beautiful Day, Part 2

Note: Please read the description prior to reading this fanfic. You will be lost otherwise.
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I trot slowly and unhappily into the town square of Ponyville. I now have a job which I've deemed necessary to live here, but it seems I've forgotten something just as important. Without a place to live, I'll never be able to survive here. I've tried being homeless before, and it never did work well for me. Ponies are rarely willing to give handouts to another pony on the streets, at least in my experience. I may have a job, but I'm missing the one thing I'd likely use my earnings on outside of food.

"Come on, Lev, think! There must be something you can figure out," I command of myself. It's not as if I can just walk into somepony's house and sleep there; they'd likely call me a burglar and chase me out with clubs. I could sleep in the forest again, but that was a miserable and unsafe experience, along with the fact that I couldn't do that forever. I could ask somepony for sanctuary. "But nopony here knows me yet, and they probably wouldn't take in a stranger," I remind myself gloomily.

I haven't been paying to where I'm going, and I stumble into what appears to be an enormous garden. There's a large treehouse that accompanies the garden, although it appears as though nopony is home. And then, I see it; a chicken coop not too far from my current position. "It isn't the most comfortable or desirable place to sleep, but at least it will be warm and safe," I assure myself. I crawl into the small opening, and quickly notice that I'm surrounded by sleeping chickens. "This is an active coop? I wonder who runs it," I whisper to avoid waking the chickens. Hopefully, whoever it is won't mind me sleeping here. I climb into an empty spot, and curl myself up as best I can. I can't stay here forever, but just for tonight this will have to do. My thoughts of a new life and job in Ponyville combine with my latent fears of getting a home, swirling around me as I fall into cloudy dreams.
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I'm awoken by a quiet shriek, followed by the chickens in the coop flocking about. My eyes shoot open, and I remember the events of the past night. "Looks like I've been discovered by whoever lives here," I sleepily think to myself. I decide to come clean; after all, this pony might be sympathetic to my situation at the very least, and not beat me for what I did. I crawl out of the chicken coop to face what will likely be a very awkward situation.

"W-who are you? What do you w-want?" These are the words that greet me upon my exit from the coop, and they come from a cowering yellow mare with a mane that looks like it could be made of strained bubblegum. I'm immediately struck by her beauty, but more so by the fact that she's afraid of me. At four feet tall, I suppose I could be considered imposing, although I've never thought of myself in that way before. I decide that, if this is going to end well, I should try to make her stop being afraid.

So I tuck my wings away and crouch down, in the hopes that my being at her eye level will make me seem less dangerous. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you or anything, and I'm not here to hurt you or your chickens," I assure her in the most non-threatening voice I can manage. She stops shaking and stands a little straighter, but she still appears to not be at ease with me. Not without good reason, I suppose. "Okay, but what were you doing in my chicken coop?" she inquires, still with that small voice from before, though definitely not quite as timid.

"I slept here," I blurt out without rhyme or reason. What an excellent way to break that kind of news. "But you're not a chicken, so why sleep there?" she asks with a quizzical look on her face. "Might as well go for it," I think hurriedly. I sigh, and begin my short tale. "I didn't have any other place to go. I've just come here, but I couldn't find a place to stay, and I can't leave another town behind so quickly. I tried to think of another option, but last night I stumbled into your garden. I saw the coop, and thought that I might be able to sleep there for at least one night. I was hoping to wake up earlier and leave without you ever knowing I was here so I wouldn't cause too much trouble, but that didn't turn out well. I hope you understand," I explain to her.

As I say all of this, a small frown forms on her face. I sincerely hope it's a frown of sympathy, rather than disapproval. "Wow. So, um, does that mean…are you homeless?" she asks me in what I can hear is her attempt at sounding inoffensive. "Yes, but I promise I won't take advantage of your property ever again. I'm sorry for this, really I am. I'll just leave now, so you can forget this ever happened," I reply while trotting away. After a few seconds, I hear her call out "Wait!" I turn around, half-expecting her to smack me for stowing away in her coop just as good measure to keep me from returning. But she doesn't. "Oh, um, never mind," she squeaks out, and runs off somewhere. And so I depart for my new job at the library, in the hopes that I never have to see this pony again for fear of how awkward that would be.
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I slowly make my way to the library, thoughts swimming around my head. I still haven't found a permanent abode for myself, and I can't buy one with my current funds. I'm a little nervous about starting my new job, despite the fact that it's in a library. I may love books, but that doesn't mean I can't fail at this job somehow.

I begin to wonder about the yellow mare from earlier again. I never caught her name, or even if she lives in Ponyville. I hope not, because I'd hate to run into her again. And yet, I can't help but feel like, if we were to meet again, it might not be all bad. Something about her gave off a comforting and welcoming aura, one that I can't seem to forget. I brush it off as I realize that I'm at my destination. I can see Twilight Sparkle through a window, talking to somepony inside who I can't see from my vantage point. Possibly a pony looking for a book, although I think it's more likely that little dragon from before.

And as I enter my new workplace with a hopeful grin on my face, I'm hit with a set of new problems. Twilight is there, along with four other ponies which I've never seen before. There's one other pony there, the only pony I had been hoping to not see.

It's the yellow mare, and she doesn't look happy.
Please note this fanfic is take from a first-person perspective of my pony OC, seen here: [link] The series of hyphens represent scene breaks.

This fanfic assumes that the age of all ponies in the mane six age group are 16 (at the oldest, since they are not all the exact same age). Spike is assumed to be 12, and all ponies of the same age group as the Cutie Mark Crusaders are also assumed to be 12. Characters in, say, Cheerilee's age group are assumed to be anywhere between 25 and 35 years old. The royal princesses Celestia and Luna have no assumed age.

This fanfic takes place after the events of the second season finale have occurred (the present).

Part 1: [link]
Part 2: You are here.
Part 3: [link]
Part 4: [link]

Please read the first part to this fanfic before the second; you will not know what's going on if you don't.

With the necessary pointers out of the way, I can talk more about this. This is the second part to my very first MLP fanfic, centered on my OC moving to Ponyville. This chapter ends the first fanfic, but doesn't end the plot. I'll extend the story with future fanfics.

I hope everypony enjoys this. If you fave, please please PLEASE comment. I desperately need feedback on this fanfic as it's my very first one. I'd like to know what you consider to be good, what's bad, what you'd like to see in future fanfics, etc. Even if you don't fave, you can still comment. I realize this chapter is a little shorter, but I've been pressed for time, unfortunately. I sincerely hope that doesn't detract from the story.

The title of this fanfic is based on the song "Beautiful Day" by U2.

"Beautiful Day" is (c) U2. MLP is (c) :iconhasbroplz: and Lauren Faust :iconfyre-flye:
:iconpopov89:
popov89 Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
There's potential here.

I wish there was more mystery to the story overall with why Lev left his last town, what his mark represents and such. It keeps the reader's attention when there's some mystery to the story--keep 'em guessing and they'll appreciate it.

It also reads like someone is reading the story to me; I far prefer to observe what's happening instead of being told what's happening. Be more direct with your writing, more personal and convey what's happening with action instead of saying that it happened. Show, don't tell and all that.

Elaborate, elaborate, elaborate. The pacing is far too quick for what's happening. Slow down and describe things more than you're doing it now. Go on at length about Twilight's library and convey to the reader through description her orderly character with how neat her library is or how snarky Spike is through his dialogue. A lot of writers seem to hurry through own stories because they're uncomfortable with their writing. Do not let that happen. Be confident with your writing and you'll write better. Anyways, we improve ourselves by pushing our boundaries so try and write differently or with more description.

Other than that, the story does have potential. I'm far better at critiquing than offering praise so accept my humble praise.
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:iconknofear:
KnoFear Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Student Writer
This was a rushed piece; had I known that there was more time at hand, I likely would have gone into more detail as you suggested. This had to be finished in order to be put in a contest as part of a group I'm in, and the deadline was within a day after I posted the first part. And then, after I finished this, they extended the deadline. I decided not to go back and rework it though, as my time isn't infinite.

Thanks for the pointers. The reason I revert to using past tense is because this is from a first-person perspective, so it's how I've gotten used to writing in that style. When I'm writing in other points of view, I typically become more active with my verbs as a force of habit from school.

Don't worry, in further chapters it will be much slower paced with more attention to the details that need to be visualized best. There is more to why Lev left his last town, actually, but that will be mentioned later as his friendship with the mane six develops.

I promise not to disappoint :)
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